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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Humbug 23

by robb johnson

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1.
THEY PROMISED US A KING WE HAD A BABY WE WEREN’T THAT DISAPPOINTED, JUST SURPRISED WE LAID OUR LITTLE BABY IN THE MANGER WE THOUGHT IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD DISGUISE. SOME SHEPHERD’S CAME TO SEE US FROM THE NIGHT SHIFT THEY WENT BACK TO THE FACTORY, MYSTIFIED SOME WISE MEN CAME & WENT OFF NONE THE WISER SOME SOLDIERS CAME & ALL THE YOUNG BOYS DIED A WINTER’S TALE THEY PROMISED THERE’D BE PEACE, WE GOT A CEASE FIRE THE SOLDIERS PUT THEIR KNIVES DOWN ONCE A YEAR TO BE HONEST, BEING CAMOUFLAGED AS A BABY IN RETROSPECT, WAS NOT A GREAT IDEA. THE WISE MEN GAVE US MIRRORS, BEADS & TIK TOK IN ANSWER TO OUR LOST & LONELY PRAYERS NOW IT’S HARD TO TELL THESE DAYS WHO’S REALLY CRAZY EVERYBODY’S SHOUTING AT SOMEONE WHO ISN’T THERE. A WINTER’S TALE THEY PROMISED US A KING, WE HAD A BABY HIS MOTHER WASN’T PLEASED IT WAS A GIRL A GIRL IS ONLY GOOD FOR MAKING BABIES HIS MOTHER SAID IT’S MEN WHO MAKE THE WORLD. HIS SISTER HANNAH, SHE’S JUST HAD HER THIRD SON, SHE SAID IF YOU COULD HAVE A BOY WE’D BE SO THRILLED I LAID MY DAUGHTER GENTLY IN HER MANGER WHEN THE SOLDIERS CAME & ALL THE BOYS WERE KILLED. THEY PROMISED US A KING, WE GOT A BABY THEY PROMISED US THE EARTH, WE GOT THE SEA THEY PROMISED US THE LIGHT, WE GOT A CANDLE & THAT WAS IT, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE.
2.
JESUS IN HIS STAINED GLASS WINDOW, SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN TO COME UNTO ME BUT IF THEY COME IN LITTLE BOATS WE’D RATHER LET THEM SUFFER ON THE DEEP BLUE SEA NO MORE MICKEY MOUSE FOR YOU, KID, NO MORE MICKEY MOUSE FOR YOU JESUS LOOKING BLONDE HAIRED & BLUE EYED DID THOSE PLATES OF MEAT IN ANCIENT TIMES MAKE IT TO SOME RUN FOR PROFIT SHIT HOTEL ALL THE WAY FROM PALESTINE? NO MORE MICKEY MOUSE…. THIS IS ENGLAND, LITTLE ENGLAND, KINDER TRANSPORTS? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH I KNOW I SHOULD FORGIVE YOU MR JENRICK BUT I FIND THAT REALLY HARD TO DO WHEN YOU ORDER BRIGHT MURALS PAINTED OUT TO MAKE SMALL CHILDREN FEEL UNWELCOME HERE & ALL YOU STUPID MEN IN CLEVER SUITS WHO BOAST YOU’VE GOT A BETTER PLAN TO STOP THE LITTLE BOATS WHY DON’T YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES & SOCKS OFF, ROLL YOUR TROUSERS UP & GO & TELL THE WAVES, TELL THE WAVES NO MORE MICKEY MOUSE…
3.
LIZ GOT HER FIRST GUITAR FOR CHRISTMAS HER DAD’S ON STRIKE, SHE’S 17 MUM BOUGHT IT FOR HER ON INSTALMENTS REPAID 10 FOLD EACH TIME SHE SINGS X2 THERE’S 3 DEAD PUBS AT SPALDING STATION EACH PLACE I GO LOOKS MUCH LIKE THIS COMMUNITY IS NOW A CONVENIENCE STORE WHERE ENGALND GOES TO JUST GET PISSED X2 A PUB’S REOPENED BY THE RIVER THEY GOT NO BEER, HAVE I GOT CASH? THERE’S LAGER, SHOTS & IN THE WINDOW THEY’VE SELLOPTAPED A UNION JACK X2 I FIND THIS PUB THAT’S GOT REAL KEG BEER HERE YOU SEE ENGALD AT ITS EASE STILL BANGING ON ABOUT POOR BORIS THE EARTH IS FLAT, THE MOON IS CHEESE X2 (INSTRUMENTAL) & IF OUTSIDE A STORM IS RISING JUST LOCK YOUR DOOR & WATCH TV THE GOVERNMENT SAYS THAT IT’S ON YOUR SIDE THE EARTH IS FLAT & THE MOON IS CHEESE X2 BRING ME MY INKPEN & MY 6 STRING BRING ME THOSE ARROWS OF DESIRE & WE WILL BUILD AGAIN COMMUNITY WHERE THE EARTH IS ROUND & THE MOON IS BEAUTIFUL X2 LIZ GOT HER 1ST GUITAR FOR CHRISTMAS REPAID TENFOLD EACH TIME SHE SINGS
4.
IT’S THE END OF THE PIER & THE SHOW IS OVER EVERYONE KNOWS THESE OLD JOKES BY HEART THE RESTLESS COWD QUEUE UP FOR THE LAST BUS IN THE FALLING RAIN, THE FALLING DARK YOU THOUGHT THESE DAYS WOULD LAST FOREVER HERE COMES OCTOBER FROM THE SUMMER RESIDENCE TO THE WINTER PALACE THE PRESIDENTIAL LIMOUSINES ARE IN RETREAT THEY CAN’T STOP A SINGLE LEAF FROM FALLING WHILE IN THE WOMB A NEW HEART IS BEATING YOU THOUGHT THESE DAYS WOULD LAST FOREVER HERE COMES OCTOBER THE ECHO CHAMBER & THE MAGIC MIRROR THE KING OF RUSSIA’S GOOD INTENTIONS DEAD SOULS AS RESTLESS AS THE OCEAN WHILE IN THE WOMB, A NEW WORLD’S BREATHING… YOU THOUGHT THESE DAYS WOULD LAST FOREVER HERE COMES OCTOBER
5.
ESPERANZA COMES FROM FAR AWAY, WOULDN’T YOU? D F#m D F#m SOMEWHERE IT’S NOT SAFE TO STAY, WOULDN’T YOU? NOW SHE’S SELLING THE BIG ISSUE EVERY G Gm SATURDAY FARMERS MARKET F#m Bm7 NO PLACE LIKE HOME NO PLACE LIKE HOME Em7 A7+5 Dmaj7 Bm7 Em7 A7+5 Dmaj7 D ESPERANZA LEFT THE BOMBS & GUNS, WOULDN’T YOU? THE EARTHQUAKES & THE EXECUTIONS, WOULDN’T YOU? NOW SHE’S SELLING THE BIG ISSUE EVERY…. G Gm ESPERANZA ONLY SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS, WOULDN’T YOU? WHEN I SAY I’VE NOT MUCH MONEY, WOULDN’T YOU? ESPERANZA WON’T ACCEPT TWO POUND COINS, WOULDN’T YOU? BUT COULD I BUY HER BABY NAPPIES, WOULDN’T YOU? NOW SHE’S SELLING THE BIG ISSUE EVERY SATURDAY FARMERS MARKET NO PLACE LIKE HOME IF YOU COULD MAKE A HOME THAT’S SAFE – WOULDN’T YOU? A HOME THAT’S SAFE FOR EVERYBODY – WOULDN’T YOU? INSTEAD OF WASTING ALL THOSE BILLIONS G Gm ON BOMBS & GUNS F#m Bm7 …. F#m Bm7 THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME
6.
I COULD WRITE YOU A HAT I COULD WRITE YOU A HAT LIKE INGRID BERGMAN WEARS WHEN SHE’S GOING TO RICK’S TO HEAR AS TIME GOES BY WITH A BIG ENOUGH BRIM TO TELL THE RAIN FROM YOUR TEARS GOOD AT AIRPORTS, RAILWAY STATIONS & SAYING GOODBYE -YOU DON’T WANT A HAT LIKE THAT I COULD WRITE YOU A HAT THAT’S BUILT FOR WEDDING DAYS ALL TAFFETA & SILK WITH A CHERRY ON THE TOP BUT WHEN YOU’RE LATE FOR YOUR TRAIN & IT’S STARTING TO RAIN WHAT GOOD’S A HAT YOU DON’T WEAR AGAIN I COULD WRITE YOU A HAT AN ELABORATE CONFECTIONERY A SONNET OF A HAT METAPHYSICAL PERFECTIONERY MARK BUT THIS HAT IT’S FINE AS A METAPHOR USELESS WHEN IT RAINS HOPELESS WHEN IT POURS SO I WILL WRITE YOU A HAT THAT WILL KEEP YOUR HAIR DRY THAT YOU CAN WEAR WHEN YOU WANT & IT WON’T SAY GOODBYE & I WILL WRITE YOU A HAT MADE OF THE MOON & STARS BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE TO ME THE MOON & THE STARS, THE MOON & THE STARS THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE, THE MOON & THE STARS
7.
Mutualade 02:38
MUTUALADE THERE’S GORDONS GIN & HARVEY’S BEER COCKTAILS AT THE SHIP CASH OR CARD IT HITS YOU HARD COS NOTHING’S CHEAP AS CHIPS THERE’S NEWS REPORTS & SPORT SPORT SPORT FOR THE POST FACT PROLETARIAN BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM YOU THINK YOU’RE MADE OF BRIGHTON ROCK OR OLD SCHOOL SUSSEX PIE LIKE THE CLOUDS ARE MADE OF CANDY FLOSS & THE SEA IS MADE OF SKY NATURE’S RED IN TOOTH & CLAW SAYS THE LAUREATE, LORD TENNYSON BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM WITH KROPOTKIN, BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM WE GO UP & DOWN & ROUND & ROUND HORSES TURN TO CARS THE GHOST TRAIN CALLS NO MATTER WHO YOU LIKE TO THINK YOU ARE A STAR IN GOD’S GREAT GUTTER OR THE BIG BANG’S PLANETARIUM BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM WITH KROPOTKIN, BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM KROPOTKIN DRIVES THE 49 IT GOES WHEREVER WE WANT IT STOPS & GIVES FREE TICKETS TOO TO VEGAN RESTAURANTS YOU MIGHT DREAM OF SUBMARINES OR A TAX FREE HONORARIUM BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM WITH KROPOTKIN, BUT MINE’S A PINT OF MUTUALADE AT THE OLD SEA LIFE AQUARIUM
8.
G Dm TURN OUT YOUR POCKETS, WHAT WILL YOU FIND? F C THE WRONG LOTTERY TICKET, TIME & AGAIN THE HANDS OF A CLOCK, HOLES THAT WON’T MEND AN OLD SILVER SIXPENCE, THAT LONG LOST WEEKEND THAT LONG LOST WEEKEND I WAS NEVER THAT CLEVER AT MAKING THINGS UP JUST LOOKING THROUGH WALLS, WRITING THINGS DOWN WELL AREN’T WE ALL BALLERINAS & CLOWNS THE FAR SIDE OF MIDNIGHT, THE WRONG PART OF TOWN THAT LONG LOST WEEKEND Eb D WATCHING THE MOON SAIL OUT TO SEA x2 I DON’T HAVE MUCH MONEY, WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME A FISTFUL OF RAINDROPS, WORDS THAT DON’T RHYME A SPIRAL OF SNOWFLAKES, THE HARBOUR TOWN BLUES IT’S NOT WHAT YOU WANTED, IT’S JUST WHAT I DO THAT LONG LOST WEEKEND WATCHING THE MOON SAIL OUT TO SEAx4 Instrumental verse G Dm F C x4 TURN OUT YOUR POCKETS, A HANDFUL OF CLUES AN OLD METRO TICKET, NAIL SCISSORS & GLUE THE KEY TO A DOOR YOU NEVER WENT THROUGH A HORSESHOE FOR LUCK WORK, & GUESS WHAT THERE’S ME & THERE’S YOU WATCHING THE MOON SAIL OUT TO SEA x4 THAT LONG LOST WEEKEND x4
9.
Another Bad Day in Dicktown, Raymondo OK RAYMONDO, ALL YOU GOT TO DO Is GET UP OFF THE FLOOR, IT’S EASY WITH YOUR TWO LEFT FEET & YOUR ONE GOOD LEG ONCE YOU FIND THE WALL IT’S A WALK IN THE PARK -IT’S JUST ANOTHER BAD DAY IN DICKTOWN HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL IN POODLE SPRINGS DON’T WORRY RAY, IT’S DICKTOWN HE WASN’T LOOKING FOR TROUBLE, SHE WAS LOOKING FOR HIM DON’T WORRY RAY IT’S ALL DICKTOWN -IT’S JUST ANOTHER BAD DAY IN DICKTOWN ONCE YOU FIND THE WALL, THEN YOU FIND THE DOOR ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET UP OFF THE FLOOR IN DICKTOWN OKAY RAYMONDO, LET’S GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN ONCE YOU FIND THE WALL THEN YOU FIND THE DOOR You OPEN THE DOOR you FIND ANOTHER WALL HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW WHO SHOT THE CHAUFFEUR? -IT’S JUST ANOTHER BAD DAY IN DICKTOWN DON’T WORRY RAY, IT’S JUST ANOTHER BAD DAY… IN DICKTOWN
10.
The 149 03:49
THE 149 D A D A intro time for 2 brass riffs D A I GET A GOOD ITALIAN COFFEE FROM THE POLISH COFFEE SHOP THE TURKISH SHOP NEXT DOOR DOES CUSTARD CREAMS THE BLOKE THERE SAYS I LOVE THESE, THEY GAVE US THESE AT SCHOOL IN ISTANBUL THEY JUST DON’T DO BAKED BEANS G D SOMETIMES IT RAINS, SOMETIMES IT SHINES G D A THAT’S THE WAY THE CREDIT GOES D G D G ALL ABOARD THE 149 A G D UP & DOWN THE 7 SISTERS ROAD I QUEUE UP AT THE BUS-STOP WITH THE SISTERS & THE BROTHERS ALL WEARING THIS & THAT & THEN THERE’S ME STILL WEARING DOUBLE DENIM WITH MY LATEST TITFERTAT ON I’VE LOOKED LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS 17 A G HALF A POUND OF TUPPENNY RICE, HALF A POUND OF TREACLE A G MIX IT UP & MAKE IT NICE A G HALF A POUND OF TUPPENNY RICE, HALF A POUND OF TREACLE A A7 MIX IT UP & MAKE IT NICE, PEOPLE IS JUST PEOPLE INSTRUMENTAL D A X4 THIS IS NOT THE AGE OF MIRACLES BUT HERE COMES A 149 IT GOES FROM LONDON BRIDGE TO EDMONTON GREEN THERE’S LOTSA DIFFERENT HATS, LOTSA DIFFERENT CHATS, KIDS ON PHONES, KIDS IN BUGGIES, 2 SEATS AT THE BACK WHERE YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU JUST BEEN CHORUS X2 LAST LINE REPEAT sort of thing -finish with D A as intro
11.
BY THE TIME THAT HE’D HIT TWENTY HE’D RUN OUT OF SHIT TO SAY BUT ARTIE KEPT ON RUNNING SHIT & MAYBE YEAH OKAY PATTI SMITH GETS TO CURATE HIM IN THE CENTRE POMPIDOU ME I’D RATHER GO SEE ALICE NEEL WHO KEPT ON WORKING, TOO I’D RATHER BE AN OLD MAN IN PARIS WITH YOU JIMBO GOT TO PERE LACHAISE COS HE DID TOO MUCH DRINKING I WAS YOUNG & FOOLISH TOO BUT I DID TOO MUCH THINKING WHO WANTS TO DANCE FOREVER IN THE DISCOTEQUE VINGT-SEPT THERE’LL ALWAYS BE THAT NEXT CAFÉ WE’VE NOT DISCOVERED YET I’D RATHER BE AN OLD MAN IN PARIS WITH YOU WITH YOU THERE’S ALWAYS POETRY ON EVERY PARIS TRAIN & ALL THOSE FROZEN FALLING STARS CAUGHT DANCING DOWN THE BOULVARDS I’LL CAREFULLY LIFT EACH LEG UP AS I CLIMB THE METRO STAIRS I’LL WEAR THAT THREADBARE LONG BLACK COAT I ALWAYS USED TO WEAR I’LL LOOK LIKE SAMMY BECKET, LOST FOR ONE LAST WORD TO SAY WHEN THE WAY YOU LOOK AT NIGHTFALL ALWAYS TAKES MY BREATH AWAY I’D RATHER BE AN OLD MAN IN PARIS WITH YOU
12.
MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET C Fdim/Fm??/ C G IT’S MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET, MIDWINTER EVERYWHERE Am F THE REVOLUTION’S BEING TELEVISED ON NETFLIX Fm C BUT UNDERNEATH THE WHITE NOISE, YOU CAN ALWAYS HEAR Dm F THE TURNING OF THE YEAR IT’S MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET, GOOD KING HEROD’S ON HIS THRONE GREAT CAESAR’S IN HIS PALACE, HIS EMPIRE LASTS FOREVER BUT UNDERNEATH THE MAKE OVER THE CRACKS WON’T DISAPPEAR AT THE TURNING OF THE YEAR C G Am Fdim IT’S MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET x2 Am Em YOU CAN PUT THE TRUTH IN PRISON YOU CAN BUILD A WALL OF LIES Bm BUT YOU CAN’T GUN DOWN THE RIVER Em & YOU CAN’T LOCK UP THE SKY C & WE KEEP ON LIGHTING CANDLES G F Fdim & THE MORNING STAR WILL SURELY RISE C G Am Fdim IT’S MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET C Fdim AT THE TURNING OF THE YEAR

about

The 2023 Humbug collection of songs written throughout the year.
Recorded at the same time as the previous Bandcamp Friday release, Seven Songs I'm Not Sure What To Do With.
A limited edition Humbug 23 CD will be available from the Irregular webshop, & at gigs, which includes 8 additional tracks recorded live at the Club 85 "You're All Weird" gig remembering the lovely Mark Astronaut.

credits

released December 1, 2023

Robb Johnson: songwriting, singing, Martin D18
Recorded by Ali Gavan, Brighton Rd Studio, 27/10/23
Photo by Arvin Johnson

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Robb Johnso Hove, UK

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